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Tuesday, 29 November 2011

emotionally disturbed

Assalamualaikum and good day.. though it's raining heavily outside.. i still wish everyone here a very good day yaw!
Okay. Sometimes, when there isn't any problem.. or there's a problem but it's not a really big deal kion of problem.. some people acts so emotionally and will start to do something stupid. Am i right? Especially women. Yes , i have to admit.. i was that kind of women.. hihihi...WAS? well sometimes am.. but you get the picture.-,-

Women more prone to emotional stress than men 'because of sensitivity to hormone'

This perhaps explains why they often take a more laid-back view of potential crises - infuriating the women in their lives in the process.
Researchers say the U.S. study could help explain the differences in the way men and women control their emotions.
Women have higher rates of depression,post-traumatic stress disorder and other anxiety problems than men.
However no one has yet been able to pinpoint a biological reason for the difference.
The study focused on a stress hormone called corticotropinreleasing factor (CRF) which helps control the body's reaction to stress.
CRF is known to play a role in human psychiatric conditions.
Study leader Dr Rita Valentino, of The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, said: 'This is an animal study carried out on rats and we cannot say that the biological mechanism is the same in people.
'But researchers already know that CRF regulation is disrupted in stress-related psychiatric disorders, so this research may be relevant to the underlying human biology. This may help to explain why women are twice as vulnerable as men to stress-related disorders.'
In the study, brain cells of female rats were excited by doses of CRF that were too low to affect cells in male rats, the journal Molecular Psychiatry reports.
Experiments showed that the hormone bound more tightly to brain cell proteins of stressed-out female rats, making them more sensitive to its effects. The male rats, however, were able to reduce levels of the protein, stopping the hormone from binding and reducing its effects on the brain.
Since much of the previous animal research on stress used only males, important sex differences may have gone undetected, hampering the development of effective drugs for women. 
'Pharmacology researchers investigating CRF antagonists (blocking agents) as drug treatments for depression may need to take into account gender differences at the molecular level,' said Dr Valentino.
That's all :D

The truth about YOU!

Asslamualaikum and good day ..
Honestly, currently i'm updating my blog in a mood of rage and anger.. Yes i am definitely at a boiling point for always backing up someone i love most knowing that she is a hypocrite! I tried to hide it, but i just can't anymore..

Dear you,
You are a hypocrite.. yes you! I often lie to people just to let them know that you are okay with everything, but the fact is that you are not and always say something mean about them. You often show yourself as a perfect women in front others.. but only i know who you really are. Sometimes, i just can't go on with your hypocrisy...When people asked me about your respond towards them, I just had to put on a fake smile and said you're okay with everything because i don't want others to think negatively bad about you.. can't you see that?.. Whenever i tried to have a small conversation with you regarding this matter, you flipped out and ended up not listening to what i had to say. I kept quiet because i love you. Sometimes i'd even thought of just telling everyone the truth about you because i'm sick and tired with all of your acting and lies and hypocrisy and many other unexplainable things.. but, i just ended up telling it here as part of my therapy of letting this anger out of my body and soul. I love you.. but i can't take it anymore...I hope that you change, come to a realization and finally admit that what you are doing now is terribly wrong. Also, try to appreciate others a bit more instead of thinking negatively about them.. Hope that you are reading this and this post will be your wake up call to be better.. InsyaAllah.. 

Sunday, 27 November 2011


Assalamualaikum ;)
Salam Satu Malaysia..
Okay.. in just a few days.. my result will be out.. yay~~

Ok.. To be frank.. im not too excited about finding out my result.. IT IS MAKING ME SO NERVOUS ..
Yes, i did my best.. MY VERY BEST OK.. to be able to answer my finals smoothly.. but it turned out that all of the 'information' shared by our most beloved lecturers.. are all nothing.. nada! zerooo!
I was so frustrated.. I read everything that she had taught us during the whole semester.. but.. that was the best i could do...
I am now just hoping for something miracle to happen.. 
Still, another semester flew by like yesterday's news.. 
Degree is totally different than diploma.. life's tougher and maintaining good results will really help to keep up the grades.. 
My hope... hopes.. are to be able to achieve 1st Class Degree honors.. Contribute something there.. maybe I'll join an organization.. maybe not.. i don't know.. i just haven't decided yet..

I am definitely do not want the same incident from when i was doing my diploma to ever happen again.. ever! Two times! Two freakin times i had to repeat.. The worst.. And that is why now.. i am trying to focus more on my studies than my curricular activities.. for the time being..
give me some time to adapt myself here.. :p
And oh.. the ring in the picture.. it's not mine.. something i grabbed from google * thanks* .. I will be engaged to someone very special.. it's actually hard to believe knowing that my relationship is happily accepted by my family and him as well.. no more like 'the past'.. * how i hate it*.. *and regret*
It's almost December ! In just a month later.. It's 2012.. new year.. though we muslims already celebrated new year yesterday.. Selamat Menyambut Maal Hijrah:) * not sure how to say it in english*
I guess that's all for now:)
May Allah swt bless you all .. InsyaAllah :)

Thursday, 17 November 2011


Hectic Week

Assalamualaikum.. Hai :)

Been busy.
The first day of next week kicks off my final.
Nervous+Anxious+Still struggling to memorize everything= CHAOS!
No biggy right.
Like.. It's not the first time i sit for exams and all... right?
Pray for me readers.

Thanks <3 
Everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. Everything you want also wants you. But you have to take action to get it.

Saturday, 5 November 2011

Looking back on all the things i done

Assalamualaikum. Hai

Current location. Mi casa. As i look back through all my years growing up, 2011 got me real good. And i don't mean it in a good way -_-. I could just remember the first day i stepped into high school. It was fun at first. But the teasing and mocking made me feel so alone and low. People used to call me 'giant' , 'gegar' and all kinds of unwanted words just to describe me. Yeah, i giggled along, but i cried inside. I too used to fell for my classmate.. and it was like a total obsession! Puppy love? Yes! Definitely.

I was too obsessed in wanting to look beautiful and all.. but, NO EFFORT! That was the problem.

Hah.. since i was lack of confidence back then, my way to get guys attention was .. THE INTERNET.. I discovered the life of a sicko who spent 24/7 in front of the computer looking for... LOVE. I was a definite idiot! At that time, i was a total fanatic of yahoo chat. I chatted and knew a lot of guys. Yes readers, GUYS. I was so pathetic. The only way for me to approach a guy was by chatting. Most of the guys i knew online were sexaholic. Well it's true.. back then, i was like 13-15, i discovered the wrong usage of the internet. I turned into a liar, bad person to say the least. I did not, and never liked what turned out to be back then.

Honestly, i am myself now all because of a very horrifying dream. Its about decision and death. I woke up the next day sweating as if i really fell down into the river of fire. That dream changed me. It may change my appearance as i started to cover my aurah.. but, honestly, i was still me before, but less meaner. I know some things i did was wrong, but i ended up doing it anyway.

Time passes by.. I grew up and learned so many things about life.. Love .. a dramatic word for me.. Frankly speaking* or typing*, my love life is the part of me that has taught me most about life. I met with all kinds of men. Some are nice, some are just mean, some are funny and one is the only person i fell so alive whenever i'm with him. Every part of my life, every relationships I've been in, has a story behind. But, everything was then. Now.. i'm in a relationship where i feel, i really want this to happen.. i want him to be the one who will take care of me in the future. From my point of view.. as a person, not as his future partner, for me.. he's a definite nice guy. Full of responsibilities and able to calm people. He knows how to make me smile.

Love a person who loves you.. Love a person who can guide you, love a person who understands you.. Love a person because you love him.. Learn life by love.. You'll know what i mean. Love for Allah swt, love for our messenger Nabi Muhammad saw, love for our parents, love for our family..love for yourself.

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Remember the time

Assalamualaikum .. hai

yesterday our curricular class was canceled.. which we were supposed to play futsal.. im sorry.. i don't know whats futsal in english. My housemate awa is currently trying to improve her english.. Its funny to see her trying so hard to speak in english. but i respect her enthusiasm to be better. i myself have to improve since i will be taking my muet AGAIN. Its not that i'm not grateful, i just want to achieve what i had targeted before. i wanted band 5.. not band 4:(... now .. i'll take my second chance to achieve band 6 ! yeah.. nothing is impossible.

i miss him. yeah.. i miss my future fiance.. he is trying very hard to make everything for us.. just a few months away.. i hope he can cope everything well... final is just around the corner.. i promised my mum and kai i'll achieve great result this semester.. how i wish life could be simpler.. come to think about it.. if its simpler.. life would be boring..

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

Not feeling well :(

Assalamualaikum.. Hai :)

Lately tidak lah berapa nak sihatnya. I went to the clinic and the doctor shared me a shocking news:(

Worry no more.. im okay today. yesterday was a scary day for me.

Can't wait to start everything all over.