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Saturday 14 April 2012

i tried to play my role..but i feel so unneeded

Assalamualaikum... sedih memang sedih. aku cuba sedaya upaya aku untuk puaskan hati semua orang... tapi tak de sape yg menghargai aku...sometimes i felt like giving up...buang masa je buat baik... ingat kita pun tak...memang aku sedih... bila susah baru cari...

thats why i prefer to be at unisel.. lepak kat cni lagi best...tp kena balik gak and face reality.. i was trained to be a motivator since i was very young... i've been to many schools ...shared my knowledge to those who are lack of confidence and need inspiration and stuff.. etc... but how can i motivate myself trying to accept the fact i am always the type of person needed in desperate times... no more...

I just cant reconcile my mind for the time being...my desperate urge to be perfect will never have a proper solution....social pressure about my love life... i am only human... i went to periods of insanely focusing on my degree, periods of total inaction..spent my whole life here dealing with assignments ,reports ..coping with life during wild storms....

All i know for now... i started an engineering course since i was 16... sometimes i wonder why i studied engineering in the first place...

maybe i am meant to be with outsiders.. i feel more loved...




Monday 9 April 2012

the end of my first year :)


Assalamualaikum... sometimes i wonder how time flew by so fast.. this friday will be my last paper for this semester.. still a lot of semester ahead ok.

Anyway, i am just glad its over.. this semester is by far the worst i'v been in.. well you will never know whats ahead of you ayy.. i just hope i could pass all papers.. being a degree student have been quite tough.. still.. i just had to go on with it.. my only way in becoming my father's legacy.. ha gtu.. i miss him though.. 6 years since he passed away.. two days ago was the 6th year my dad left us forever.. he was such a great man.. he inspired me to become what i am now.. he inspired me to be just like him.. how i love him... i love mummy too.. she is 51 this year.. omg.. never expect everything to move real fast.. in two months i'll be engaged.. in less than 6 months, kakak will tie the knot with her long relationship partner abg wan.. i cant believe that we are at this stage in life...

my brother have been focusing more on his music and studies while ueen is busy with her degree at uitm... though us siblings are no longer like before.. i love them to bits..

tonight is kinda peaceful.. i guess thats it for now.. time to hit the books.. wish me luck :)