Saturday, 5 November 2011
Looking back on all the things i done
Current location. Mi casa. As i look back through all my years growing up, 2011 got me real good. And i don't mean it in a good way -_-. I could just remember the first day i stepped into high school. It was fun at first. But the teasing and mocking made me feel so alone and low. People used to call me 'giant' , 'gegar' and all kinds of unwanted words just to describe me. Yeah, i giggled along, but i cried inside. I too used to fell for my classmate.. and it was like a total obsession! Puppy love? Yes! Definitely.
I was too obsessed in wanting to look beautiful and all.. but, NO EFFORT! That was the problem.
Hah.. since i was lack of confidence back then, my way to get guys attention was .. THE INTERNET.. I discovered the life of a sicko who spent 24/7 in front of the computer looking for... LOVE. I was a definite idiot! At that time, i was a total fanatic of yahoo chat. I chatted and knew a lot of guys. Yes readers, GUYS. I was so pathetic. The only way for me to approach a guy was by chatting. Most of the guys i knew online were sexaholic. Well it's true.. back then, i was like 13-15, i discovered the wrong usage of the internet. I turned into a liar, bad person to say the least. I did not, and never liked what turned out to be back then.
Honestly, i am myself now all because of a very horrifying dream. Its about decision and death. I woke up the next day sweating as if i really fell down into the river of fire. That dream changed me. It may change my appearance as i started to cover my aurah.. but, honestly, i was still me before, but less meaner. I know some things i did was wrong, but i ended up doing it anyway.
Time passes by.. I grew up and learned so many things about life.. Love .. a dramatic word for me.. Frankly speaking* or typing*, my love life is the part of me that has taught me most about life. I met with all kinds of men. Some are nice, some are just mean, some are funny and one is the only person i fell so alive whenever i'm with him. Every part of my life, every relationships I've been in, has a story behind. But, everything was then. Now.. i'm in a relationship where i feel, i really want this to happen.. i want him to be the one who will take care of me in the future. From my point of view.. as a person, not as his future partner, for me.. he's a definite nice guy. Full of responsibilities and able to calm people. He knows how to make me smile.
Love a person who loves you.. Love a person who can guide you, love a person who understands you.. Love a person because you love him.. Learn life by love.. You'll know what i mean. Love for Allah swt, love for our messenger Nabi Muhammad saw, love for our parents, love for our family..love for yourself.