A new life..AGAIN.

WISH ME LUCK.

Aku rasa macam nak putus asa

Yes..mungkin bagi orang yang membaca blog aku kata..benda ni tak penting...fikir lah masa depan..fikirlah kerjaya..fikirlah tu ..fikirlah ni....ye..aku fikir semua tu...tapi, aku cuma sunyi sangat...aku sedih...

tadi aku tengok facebook dia...kenapa air mata aku mengalir...ye..mengalir...kerana dia pernah jadi sebahagian dalam hidup aku dulu...bila aku tengok dia bahagia dengan teman baru dia...aku menangis...aku sedih sangat...hubby...i know...u mesti baca blog i...i minta maaf...tapi entahlah...macam2 jadi menyebabkan i terpaksa fikir balik semua ni...dengan si fiza dok menggelabah dalam hidup i...i tak rasa i boleh teruskan semua ni...

Serious i sayang u...tapi u terlalu jauh...i cuba percaya u..tapi, keadaan sekeliling macam tak bagi i teruskan dengan semua...i minta maaf sangat...tolong lah i...

to my readers...entahlah...aku rasa memang terlalu sunyi...ditipu dan diperbodohkan...so please help..

you all may say that this is not important...thee are better things to look ahead...well...i tried...

aku penat...aku sedih...aku nak putus asa...

Gaga u la la

Lady gaga...hurmm....i like her...i love her confidence...she does things she feels right...*though kinda freaky~~* Anyy..ways...i went out last night...last night me me think that...i dunno...

hhahahha...apa aku type ni..budus...entahlah...last night...last night...last night....ahhahhahha ...last night...LAST NIGHT....

toodles

Sorry...kinda busy buddies(^_^)v

Okay...currently..'my' babies semua tgh tidur(pic bkn btul k..hehe...nways baby ni sgt comel)...so quiet... hehe...mereka sgt comel...tapi kalau mereka bangun...huhu...turun gak 1 kg dlm 2 jam...dun main2..huhu...pnjat sana ..panjat sini...well...aku xsalahkan budak2 ni...they are just kids...yg ingin tahu....

they all look so cute...shh....k...gtg...xleh type bnyk2...dgr nnt...nk get ready solat...love u all yg sudi spend time dgn i....to my hubby...i know u tgh baca...just to let u know..i love u..muah..hehehe

Who can i trust...LESBIAN LOVER

Trust...can defined as believing or giving high hopes to a person, that he or she is not lying about something...

I don't know how to say this...but it felt like deja vu ....i tried to believe him...but...as i tried...things like 'this' happen

'this'= a random girl appears from nowhere claiming that i steal her boyfriend

'this' also refers to ' should i trust him or her?'

damn...why...why....WHY?!~~

It's not like i desperately want to be in love...i just felt comfortable with him....we declared...im happy...he's happy ( lets just hope it's true*sigh*)...

Then out of the blues...a girl came *not tagging along* and rudely claim that im stealing her boyfriend..like...OMG...totally L.A.M.E...

Get a life! Well maybe she did wanted to her own life with my boyfriend...then, i came along and stole his heart*yay me*...so, it's not my fault right??

Yeah...*not trying to back up myself* i am totally innocent as i don't know whats really goin on...hahhaa....but...the truth hurts...why i say that? because..too late...I HAVE FALLEN FOR HIM...

*damn~*(two damns in one post...thats a catch...huhu~~)

So to whom may concern...i hope u get the point here okay...i love HIM...and will always do...but if HE lied...i will be a LESBIAN!

ahahha...kidding2...never in a thousand years ...( maybe in 1000 years...who knows...) again...stop blankly reading...i would never be that...totally GROSS!

Attraction...me? I dun feel attractive...well...i dun know why people find me that way...hahaha* so not proud of myself* *blink*..hehhe..i dont know...friends...family...they know me better..or u...hahaha...

so, leave out some comments on what u think about the crisis* scream people* im going through

CRISIS? not really...more like a minor occurrence...well 'trust' me...been through much worst...

k ya'll...toodles!

No one understands me

Kadang2 aku bengang dengan orang yg berada di sekeliling aku...nak nasihat..tapi sendiri buat...apsal kan??

Entahlah...aku da mcm2 benda aku lalui..malah aku dah lali...dunia internet ni semua tpu...hanya utk org yg xde keyakinan diri bila dalam menemui cinta...maya semata2....aku tahu..sbb aku da bnyk kali lalui....bukan setahun dua...tapi sejak aku tgktn satu..

Semuanya bermula bila aku didedahkan dengan dunia internet...aku start chatting..wah..sgt sronok sbb ada org yg leh syg aku sume( padahal xtahu smua tu mainan semata) aku mudah terpedaya sbb aku ni kurang kasih syg dlu...dgn xde keyakinan diri..sbb aku gemok...ye aku gemok...sape yg kenal aku dulu, taw la badan aku mcm mana dulu...biasalah, budak2...kecik2 da ada pakwe bagai...aku pun teringin*gatai n xsedar diri*

So the best way for me to attract guys, by using my money..pathetic gle kan....yup...by that aku leh wat pape...laki pon suka...tu masa aku form 1...bru dunia chatting...bil tepon umah menigkat sbb aku...n kawan yg aku kenal dlu, abg mirul..time tu dia f 5,,ak form 1...ps dia jmpe aku..tros xske aku sbb aku bkn sprti yg dgmbrkn..aku sdih..sbb dia ske kwn aku yg tmn ak time jmpe dia dlu..

Peristiwa tu xmenghentkan aku utk terus mencari cinta sejati * kononnya mcm dlm novel*....kecik2 da gatai...then masa aku form 2, arwah ayah bg aku fon..zaman dlu mana ada topup rm 5,10...sume 30 60........smggu leh hbis 30, xsmpai smggu...kerana...lelaki2 yg aku knl kat internet...stupid...yes i know...then2..mcm2 jadi....for me to know...smpai ada satu peristiwa yg mnybbkan aku lagi takut...tp, peristiwa xmnghentikan aku utk teruskan menggatal...OMG...i was so lame and pathetic!.....Smpai aku form 4...aku termimpi aku dalam gua berapi....pas mimpi tu, aku start pakai tudung...aku berubah...aku mula mengenali diriku sbgai org islam...tapi, aku masih belum jmpa cinta sejati....

Aku masih mencari di internet...kenapa? sbb aku tahu, melalui internet, xde sape kenal aku..xnmpk aku..ak nak serius aku takut..sbb da bnyk kali kena...tp, on and off the net..laki sma je...main2kan hati wanita...ckp this and that...then tgglkn...typical kan....

Thats y aku malas....ye aku sdg berkwn dgn someone...but, biar masa yg tntukan sejauh mana hubungan aku dgn dia...Allah perkenalkan aku dan dia...Allah akan tentukan jodoh kami ada ke x...aku redha...aku tahu, cinta manusia xkan mnjdi, andai cinta pada Allah xkukuh...and thats y, aku nak perkukuhkan lgi iman aku...Cinta bagai nak mati pon, tp, kalau lebih kan kepada duniawi...apa yg kita dapat??

Kalau ada psgn islam yg bhgia shgga akhir hayat tnpa beribadat...bg tahu aku...aku pon nak tgk gak...

aKU BERSYUKUR...dalam usia aku yg muda...Allah dah berikan aku mcm2 dugaan...aku bersyukur sbb aku da lalui semua tu...and thats y aku lebih berwaspada skrg...wanita 9 nafsu...lelaki cuma ada 1...and thts y kadang2//itu yg lelaki fikirkan...

aku xsalahkan lelaki 100%...sbb wanita juga mnjdi punca bnda yg xsppttnya brlaku..kan?

Jgn judge org terlalu cpt...kita sndri xsmpurna...tetapi, belajar dari pengalaman.....

EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER...

iTU yg aku amalkan....anyways...da lama aku xtype pnjg2 mcm ni...hihi...

Aku cuma luahkan....aku bukannya naif...aku bukannya bodoh...because...peristiwa yg lepas mengajar aku untuk lebih berhati2...Aku adalah diri aku...aku yg lalui apa yg aku lalui...aku tahu apa yg berlaku...masalah? semua org ada masalah....kita just kena pndai cope je dgn problem yg kita ada....

Kadang2, aku menangis...bukannya aku xnak berubah...aku ni bukannya sihat..kadang2 metabolisma badan xmgizinkan aku utk wat bnda2 yg spttnya...sedih kan...tpi, itu xmenghalang aku...yg tahu..arwah ayah aku je...secret daddy..miss you...aku cuma xnak brkngsi...sbb aku nak org bg aku peluang utk berubah...ok...

Toodles..

Cinta itu/love is

Love is a feeling that we experience in so many different ways toward various people. Love is the ultimate expression of our divinity. Passion to our lover. Love is an emotion that hold the power to heal and strengthen the physical and emotional body.

There have been times that I have expressed deep love and have been hurt. I have never regretted showing love, however, there is a certain level of expectation that it will be reciprocated by the beloved. I have also found love to be the foundation to allow relationships and people to blossom. Just spending time in nature brings me the feeling of overwhelming love and sacredness.

Once we allow our hearts to open and reveal the full expression of love it comes with great risk. We have hopes and expectations. We want it to be reciprocated and valued. When we choose to risk our hearts, we take a chance of being hurt or rejected. If we don't risk anything, what is the alternative? Remaining numb and safe.

Love has the power to heal, and, transform. Every expression of love carries in it the seeds of possibilities. When we nurture and honor love it has the ability to lift us up and give us hope, tenderness and affection. Without love we miss out on so much.

So why do we at times reject love? When an opportunity to give or receive love presents itself why do we shut down and hide? It seems that for many of us past experiences can hinder our ability to take a chance. Fear can envelop us to the point that it doesn't seem worth it to take the risk.

I know sometimes love comes with strings attached. It can be smothering, suffocating, controlling and needy. It can carry some all consuming fears if we have been hurt, betrayed, abandoned, rejected, or violated in the past. It can leave us rejecting the very idea of it's implications.

What about self love? Can we love ourselves unconditionally? Can we accept our own flaws and expect others to love us when we cannot love ourselves? What if we are not at our ideal weight? What if we have made mistakes? Can we forgive ourselves? Will others forgive us? What if we're not exactly where we want to be in our lives? Do we still deserve to give and receive love then?

What if we didn't receive the right kind of love from our parents or family? Can another person love us any better? Can we chance experiencing love when there holds the possibility that it may suddenly leave or be taken from us? If we haven't had healthy, safe, and secure love modeled for us we might not know what it should even look or be like.

Fear holds us back, when we are not living in the present moment as the full, unhindered expression of love. It can grow when it doesn't reference the past and how it once was. It can be experienced when it doesn't project into the future as to what it will be. Will love turn out exactly like we want it to? And if it doesn't, is it still worth feeling the love now?

if we can allow ourselves to love our partners,parents and friends. If we can deeply and completely love and accept ourselves. If we can fully open our hearts to the full expression of love in all its beauty and forms, how do you think our lives will transform?

Toodles..

When my world is falling apart..he came..

Sambil aku menulis entry ni..aku mendengar lagu when i look at you by miley cyrus...

Aku rindukan dia....aku sayang sangat dia...Benar kata orang..cinta itu buta...cinta ke?

Aku dah serik...Bila aku sungguh2 dalam relationship...aku ditinggalkan...

Si dia...aku mengenali dia sepertimana aku telah mengenali teman2 ku yang terdahulu...akan sama ke nasib aku? Entahlah...aku xserik lagi ke dengan apa yang selalu menimpa aku...

Si dia...jujurlah pada hatimu...adakah aku dihatimu....jangan la hatiku dipermainkan lagi...

Adakah benar kata kataku

Aku sayang dia...

Pada masa yang sama...

Aku takut perkara yang sama berulang...

Ye...Sayang...Apa yang aku katakan ..sama macam aku pernah katakan pada teman aku sebelum ini...

Tapi, hanya hatiku yang tahu..

u...apa2 yang terjadi...saya ada untuk menyokong awak...jangan risau ye awak...ramai sangat sayangkan awak...keluarga awak semua sayang awak...kawan2 awak..saya...

Dia happy

Aku tengok profile dia...dia happy..semoga dia bahagia disamping kekasih hatinya...

Aku tengok diri aku...aku juga happy...Perasaan yang lama hilang..kembali beriku semangat...love u ..

F**k You

Somehow...im liking the song..hahaha...

such a happy life im having....

To my lovely husband.... Bila mau balik...anak da rindu da ni...

Life must go on

sedang ku menaip ini...air mata aku mengalir...kenapa semua ini serin menimpa aku? Banyak sangat yan berlaku dalam hidup aku sepanjang 21 tahun aku bernafas di muka bumi ini...honestly, aku dafedup dengan lelaki...mereka slalu bg harapan ..kemudian tinggalkankita...kadang2 wanita selalu menangis kerana lelaki...aku..kerana dia...hidup aku merana...

apa2 pun, aku redha...terima kasih kepada semua sahabat2 aku..aku lagi kut untuk mengharungi semua ni...

tadi azfar kol...solat subuh la tu...aku borak2...dia support aku...naji..aku kl pg td...thnks sahabat..ko bnyk tlg aku...zana pon...thanks cyg...hhehe...

Aku akan cuba lakukan yang terbaik...

HELLO! THIS IS FOR YOU!

You know who u are...like...grow up pre-teen!

Kite kwn..yes kita kwn...but FYI ! FRIENDS DON'T DO THIS!

Damn...~~

mood: sakit hati!

Counting days...

Just less than a week till the results of the final exam comes out...me...? I'm totally nervous...I mean REALLY! Scared to death i might say...yup...sure..i did okay...but is it good enough to pass?? Dear..I'm so terrified...may everything goes well...InsyaAllah...

This morning...around 7.50...a.m of course...he called...owh...how i miss him...it has been exactly a month since we talked...as soon as i saw his number on the screen of my phone...i find it hard to believe..only god knows how my heart yearning for his presence beside me..i miss him so very much...i cried while talking with him...i saw him hugging a very big bear..he told me he wanted to give me the bear when we meet ..i just cried and cried..i was happy with him...so happy...because of previous occurrence..our relationship had to stop..he let me go...i agreed..and how hard was it for me to actually accept the fact that we are officially through...no..obviously, he's still in my mind..i love him...that's the word..but, does he still love me? i don't know...all i know..is that i love him...and still hope that we shall be together..

R.I.S.E.S

Okeyp...they(the pict above) are my final project group members...Y? Bcoz i misz them...we spent so much time together...it was definitely a very challenging experience...love ya guys:(

I love arab!

الآن لقد بدأت تعلم اللغة العربية... إن شاء الله... هذا الأخير سوف يحسن مرة أخرى لعدم وجود أي... لقراء بلدي بلوق... إذا كانت هناك أخطاء.. الرجاء مساعدتي :)

My Life of Pain.....ouch!

I remember a time, a time in a dream or of a dream life, a time when to live in a world with no strife, a time of no worries, a time of no fights. I would wait him to arrive at my castle, in his automobile, one of three fifty horses, his chariot to be. One of fine velor comfort to sit , in this courtship that was, in this day in the past, of this traveling parlor, one of dark color, a dark horse one might say in this traveling play. We would travel the towns in this fairy tale ride, eating, drinking, and watching the shows of the days' entertainers, loving this life not being a complainer. Not thinking I would be the entertainment of the days future, not thinking the past would have mattered, in this, my life of the tattered.

I look back on this life, many good times I've had with many regrets, as this first love of mine, wishing oh wishing, we could go back in time. Not regretting the times that we spent together, for I look back on them and this makes my heart glad, but still in this life I am left very sad. I wish I had them to do all over again, the times that I've had, the fun I have had, with all of my loves. I wish back then you could have been my husband, what fun we could have had, and what a great life, could have been for us, just you and me, in this land of the free. For then came the day of the breakup. The most tragic and terrible breakup of my life, my first, as what could have been for you and in my heart I know that that's true. For this my heart aches, a terrible pain, one that can only be, is only, my shame.

So now we all share, so more you will make, until the end, your ruling fate. And would this have made me happy, to bring back my family I have longed to see? You know that that would, that is why you could not, because this is with you that you think I have fought. And well I have, for abuse you seek, and where in the hell are all my front teeth? And fight you I will till my dying day, for your values I hate... as my owners to be.

For my true happiness, nor my money to be, could ever bestow the hurt, you have put on me. And all of this time I say it be them that I hate, I can only wonder why their hate for me, has been so great? I Know I have all of this blame for him, for me, for this family tree, for this family name. But I ask again, What have I done to them, What have I done wrong? What have I ever gotten but pain, suffering and torment, heartache and misery, enough to drive me insane....

Kenapa putri sedih?

Kak long..thanks sbb concern...sorry...xdpt nak jelaskan pd post yg lepas knp putri sedih...semua ttg cinta...bila fikir...kita lg bnyk menangis kerana cinta kan..bukan kerana Allah swt...ye..putri sedar ttg semua tu...tp, apa yg putri lalui cukup perit...

selama putri bercinta...xpernah kekal...sehingga la kini...bila terjalinnya satu PERJANJIAN..putri da fikir..he might be the one..he will be my husband whom will take care of me and my kids..well...hopes are left unsaid...better off that way actually...and so..i had to let him go...the reason ?? it's for me to know..and u to find out...im so tired of everything...

One thing for sure..my one and only true love shall and forever remain in my heart...my never ending love for Allah swt...yes...He tests me with all sorts of misshapen in life...still im so thankful to the Almighty God..at a very young age (21) I've been through a lot...AND I MEAN A LOT...I've learned so many things from all the 'occasions' i might say..it caught me to say..that my life was never dull...but is full of adventure...i am the main character..creating my own story with a help from FATE...interesting..Alhamdulillah...

To all the readers..thanks...though we never met, or seldom...still, u guys spend ur time reading my story..I'm not saying it's great and all...but..trust me...all the things mentioned in this blog..all the guy's i've known...all the things that happened to..are all true...thanks again guys...think of it..that my blog...is part of YOUR steps of precautions in life k...love ya..

TOODLES!

Sedih....

Aku sedih sekarang....aku xpernah rasa atau lalui situasi mcm ni....aku rasa mcm ..

Lagenda Budak Setan

Aku tgk trailer nya...sedihn...cnfirm aku tgk kat cinema nnt..:)